This Is The Life
by Golden Gated Glory
Summary: Santana Lopez is in love with her best friend. Watch as she embraces the new, and lives the life she deserves to have by letting go of what she once held so dear. Rated M for later chapters
1. Chapter 1

I looked down at our joined hands. For as long as I can remember, it's been this way between us. We've always just fit, slotted together like two perfectly formed puzzle pieces.

Pinkies linked we entered the school, like Moses parting the red sea of students, en route to our lockers. I glanced at the other WHMS students as we continued our path, as usual no one dared approach us, two of the most powerful seniors in this place.

Coming to a stop, I looked to my right at her. She was smiling, though that was nothing out of the ordinary. It's her eyes that have always captivated me, she steals my attention in an instant, flashing those oceans my way.

"Sanny" she says, breaking me from my reverie.

"Sorry B, need a hand?" I responded, embarrassed to have been caught lingering in her eyes.

Without waiting for any coherent response, I lent over and popped open her locker, scooped out her books and passed them over, I then did the same for myself. Ready for the day, we strode to our first glee session of the day, yes the first or two today - who knew a singing club needed such regular meetings!

Passing students left and right, I couldn't help but notice how many we're looking at her, lust evident in their teenage eyes. It's not like it had to be this way, but they couldn't know how much I wanted her to be mine. But they don't, because I still can't do it, I'm just not right for her, she could do better than anything I can offer her.

We took our usual seats in the back of the choir room, immersed in the chattering of those around us. Some turned to Britt to chat, as ever the radiant beauty lit up the room from where she sat, bringing that ray of sunshine she so often does into others lives.

Captivated though I was, I couldn't help but notice a pair of eyes looking my way from the row in front. Quinn. She knew, well, she knew something was up. Unfortunately it wasn't in the girl's nature to just let things drop.

"S" Quinn says.

"Q" I respond in kind, irked.

"We need to talk, now, bathroom." She said, leaving the room. It wasn't a request, so much as an order.

I sighed, looked to my right to see Britt still chatting away, pushed myself out of the solid, red plastic chair and sauntered my way to the closest bathroom, lord knows if I'm being summoned by her I'm going to take my sweet time getting there.

"Why am I here Q" I said as I entered the otherwise empty room " if you weren't head cheerleader I wouldn't be here"

"Whatever Santana" I know she isn't one to be intimated. " what's up with you and Britt, have you sorted yourself out yet?"

"What are you talking about Quinn" I knew what she was insinuating, but I couldn't let down my guard so easily, it's never easy.

"S, it's been going on for so long, we're half way through our senior year. It's now or never, I get it, it's hard" I scoffed, like she would know its hard. "But it's your happiness, and more importantly her happiness at stake. You love her S, be with her already"

That struck home, right in the heart. Britt's happiness Is the thing I've spent the larger portion of my life concerned with. "Quinn" i said, solemnly "I can't, I'm not what she deserves, she deserves a knight in shining armour to come in and sweep her off her feet, not some bitch"

"It's you S, she doesn't want anyone else. You're a bitch, to everyone but her. Who protects her when when others pick on her? Who helps her when she needs someone? Who has always supported her? S, it's you, it's always been you!" Quinn replied, exasperated.

Apparently I'd underestimated what Quinn knew, I felt vulnerable and exposed, so turning on my heel, I hightailed it out of the bathroom and back to the choir room.

Pausing in the door way I looked over at her. She seemed to notice my presence, and I watched as that smile, the one she reserves for me, her best friend, etched its way onto her beautiful face.

Its not controllable, I've tried believe me, I can't help it, I never have been able to, I'm completely in love with this girl.

So this is the first work of fiction I've ever produced, let me know if you would like too see more or have any comments, thanks!


	2. Chapter 2

_**Hi Guys, here is the second instalment to the fic, I hope you enjoy. Please forgive any idiosyncrasies, I'm English and know little about America. Please let me know what you think, I'm working on the third chapter now so that'll likely be done today.**_

**_-I have no rights or ownership to these characters or anything mentioned in this fic, unforunately.  
_**

I came to a quick halt outside Britt's Spanish class at the end of the day; with a moment to spare I got to thinking about what Quinn had said to me earlier today. Maybe I could be more to Britt than just her best friend. I think that's what she wants, but I need to find out for sure. With these thoughts buzzing round my head, I pulled my bag more securely around my shoulders and scuffed my shoe against the slightly stained hallway floor.

Students from Brittany's class filed out of the room, but Britt had yet to cross the threshold. I must be feeling patient this afternoon, it was a full minute before I poked my head into the classroom to find out where she was.

"Ah, Santana, just the person I wanted to see"

Stood at his desk was Brittany, who did not look happy, in fact, she looked a little upset. Immediately I felt that protectiveness surge through me, why was he keeping her here?

"Mr Schue" I've never been pleased to see this half arsed excuse for a Spanish teacher. I continued my way into the room and walked straight to Brittany's side. I looked right at her but seemingly all she could muster was a sideways glance at me. Something was up.

"We have a bit of a problem Santana" I didn't even bother looking at him, too concerned I was with Brittany. "Unfortunately Brittany hasn't been doing too well in her latest quizzes, with it being so close to the end of the year it's key that we get her grades up to pass this class." Yeh, this caused me to look at him "I know you have your own workload, but considering the situation maybe you would be able to take the time to tutor Brittany?"

Why didn't B tell me she wasn't doing well, in Spanish of all subjects? "Yeh Mr Schue, I can make time, I gots this" I replied to him.

B didn't even look at me; she simply turned on her heel and left the room. I pivoted immediately and walked after her. Once we got outside I jogged to get to her side before unlocking my car, a beautiful red Audi, with my right hand, and opening her passenger side door with my left. I plastered a smile on my face as she brushed past me, muttering a thanks, to get into the car. I whizzed round to my side before plunging the key into the ignition and starting the car.

The car ride home was silent and tense. Eventually we pulled into my triple garage under the east wing of the house, located in the more, affluent, area of the town. Silence reined again as we got out of the car and entered the house, up the flight of stairs and into my bedroom. Dark walls surrounded a large deep coloured, wooden bed. Britt moved to sit on my bed, but unwilling to stand this anymore I walked into my wardrobe and rid myself of the Cheerios uniform that we are forced to wear to school. I popped into some more comfy clothes, before positively trudging back into my room. I sat next to Britt on my bed and prepared for the conversation.

"I was embarrassed"

Okay, straight down to business then. Why was she embarrassed? Sure, B wasn't regarded as the brightest student, but she was one talented woman, truly blessed was she, that when she made her way dancing across a stage the world seemed to stop spinning. Time stood still. For one moment, she was the epicentre of everything, and anything that existed in my world.

"B, you are amazing, beautiful and talented, why is there any reason for you to be embarrassed about this?"

I could see she dismissed my compliments, and instead continued stewing in her thoughts. After a moments silence, she finally looked my way.

"San, you are the smartest person I've ever met" Britt said, wringing her hands together "I'm not, i mean Yeh I'm passing school but never have I excelled. I don't want to let you down when you have such a Bright future, I'm so stupid"

Instantly, I pressed both hands to her cheeks and pulled her ocean blue eyes into mine. I stroked my thumbs over her cheekbones, with such tenderness that it often surprises me. As I leant forwards, I felt B's hand on my thigh, but it was tentative, and quiet in its intentions. I pressed on and finally touched my lips to hers. It was slow, easy, full of all the emotions I can't find the words to express, yet.

Britt backed away pretty quickly, but I didn't let it deter me. "B, you are not nor have you ever been stupid. You're you. You're perfect. You're perfect, and you're perfect to me. I want you to come to me when you need help, I'm your best friend and I want to help. It's me and you Britt, let's do it together"

She smiled. She smiled! I guess I said something right.

"S, I need your help." I had to crack a smile at this too. "Spanish is hard, and I have another quiz next week that I'm not prepared for"

"Well lucky for you B, there's a fluent speaker in the room, so let's get down to it!"

The next week passed pretty quickly, we spent every evening during the school week and most of the weekend working on B's Spanish, with marked improvement. That's where she is now, taking her penultimate Spanish quiz of the year, whilst I'm stuck with Quinn in a free study period in the library.

"Quinn, dear god stop looking at me. It's infuriating and if I didn't know any better I'd think you have a soft spot for me" I winked at her for effect.

"Bitchy Latinas, so not my type S. However, pretty sure that's Britt's type." Oh, so Quinn can wink too. Not exactly subtle, but certainly gets right to the point. I looked at her, glaringly, knowing exactly what she was insinuating. I wanted to get up and leave, but something was keeping me rooted to my chair.

"Q, no. Not now" I retorted dismissively.

"Santana your being ridiculous, like utterly ridiculous! Why have you not done anything yet? It's been a week since you left me standing in the bathroom, and yet no progress has been made with you two"

"We've been busy Quinn, studying! There hasn't been any time for anything else" I responded, not exactly a lie, but definitely not the whole truth.

"Oh grow some S, we both know when you want something you make it happen. Wait a minute, I see, you don't want to be with Brittany, well let's be honest there are plenty of other" - "Quinn stop" I interrupted her, playing right into her hands, I slipped up "of course I want to be with her"

Well there it is. The statement just hangs there. Quinn's looking at me, I'm looking at everything but her, knowing the impact of what I just admitted. Black and white, clear as day, I started fidgeting nervously.

"There you go S, step one, admit you want to be with her. Step two" Quinn starts ticking off her fingers "admit to her you want to be with her." Quinn wasn't disgusted, she didn't run away and she didn't ask a million questions. Sure there are other out, gay kids in the school this year, and yes I have recently admitted to myself that I prefer girls (well, one girl) to guys, but I still expect an awful response when it's said out loud.

"Q, we are the most powerful girls in this place, what do you think people are going to start saying about me if the find out about my, situation" I said the latter more quietly. It would be so easy, if my popularity wasn't so key to getting through high school.

"We protect each other S, we're Cheerios. You may be feared, but B is loved. Well keep you safe, land well, you'll do what you do best and bitch out those who dare question any of us. Either way, dear god stop letting it get it the way of your happiness. It's dragging us all down!" Quinn finished off with a smile.

Quinn's right, she is, I know she is. But sometimes it's so hard to let something go you've been keeping for so long. My thoughts end up on Brittany, as they so often do. She is more important that so called popularity, she is everything really.

The bell rang and I sent one, almost grateful, look Quinn's way, before I left the room. I arrived at the Spanish room just as Britt was leaving it, she looked at me, and a shy smile crossed her lips.

"Yeh S, it went well" she murmured as we left the hallways and entered the parking lot to head home "I guess all our work paid off"

I chuckled, she did much more than I did. "It's all you B, I knew you could do it" I looked in her eyes over the roof of the car, a small smile teetered on my lips as I opened the car door and got in. Britt did the same and soon we were making our way down the winding streets to Britt's house, only a couple of streets over from mine in the upper part of Lima. We parked up and left the car in the drive, before making our way up to Britt's room.

Once inside, she shut the door behind her and pulled me into her embrace. She smiled that special smile, you know the one reserved for me, and nudged her nose against mine. Comfortable. I felt at home in her arms. Her strong, pale, loving arms. Hands splayed my back, as mine landed behind her neck. I pulled her in, no longer a slither of air between us, and pressed my lips to hers. We were practically grinning like Cheshire cats as our lips moved against each others softly. I pushed my hands up into her hair and gripped as I stroked my tongue against her lower lip, eliciting a moan from those perfect lips. Taking this opportunity I slipped my tongue into her mouth and languidly moved it against hers. This pleased her, I could tell, her hands tightened against me, pulling me ever closer, flat against her body.

We made our way over to her bed, lying prone against each other. She settled on top of me, not unusual despite my protests that I should be on top. Hands started roaming, from my back, to my waist, to my hips, beginning their upwards journey.

"Wait wait, Britt" I had to stop this before it could go any further, I had to get something off my chest, so to speak. Britt was looking down at me with questioning eyes, stopping our progress in the horizontal dance was not normal. "I need to speak to you about something" I uttered those words quietly, embarrassed as I was.

We sat up, unwillingly I had to remove Britt from my lap so she sat beside me, this was not a conversation I could have in such a position.

" Britt" I started "I, uh, we've been friends a long time. Through the uh, the boyfriends and the boy toys. The spits and the spats. And, uh, I need to tell you something." The pause, a moment left hanging, gave me time to get out the words "Britt, ilikeyou" well, no, I love you, but I guess that's close enough for now.

"S, I like you too" Britt replies. I can tell she's a bit confused, we're best friends, of course we like each other.

"No B, I like you, like you" god I don't think I could be more awkward. Since when did talking with Britt become so difficult.

"S, I like you too, like I like you, like you too" Britt states, like its the most obvious thing in the world.

I couldn't believe it, she feels the same way I do, right? No she couldn't, she's probably confused still. It's exasperating, this conversation.

"I want to date you Britt. I want to take you out and do things that couples do. I want to hold your hand. I want to kiss you, whenever I want. I don't want anyone else to look at you. I don't, just want to be your friend any more" well, that should clear the air I thought. Who knew I had quite so many words in me this evening!

"Yeh S, I want the same" okay, so maybe she does understand, well, good news, good news indeed!

I leant in, pressed a delicate kiss against her lips as I felt the tension leave my body. As each second passed, I felt myself relaxing, but I had to ask.

"Britt, would you go on a date with me?" I didn't feel as nervous as I perhaps could.

She nodded, nodded! As in yes, yes she wants to go on a date with me! I positively burst with happiness, so much so I scooped her up in my arms, did a loop of the bed, whilst she giggled away, such a joyous sound to ring in my ears, before placing her down on the bed, and cuddling up to her.

Yes, today was a good day, and now I have a date to plan.


	3. Chapter 3

_**Im thoroughly enjoying writing this, I hope you are enjoying reading it, please continue to do so if you'd like more! Again that've to rights to anything glee related. **_

_**I hope you're al having a fabulous first day of the new year!**_

XIXIX

The week marched on, students at WHMS preparing for life after high school, my parents frittered in and out of my day to day life and B, well, when has she not shone like a diamond in my eyes. It's weird when I think about it, the more things change, the more excited I get. Don't get me wrong, I have a good life here, a great life even. Both my parents are doctors, I'm popular (feared) and rich. But I can't help but feel like there is something else, waiting for me. I just need to know how to start looking for it.

"San, Sanny!" I pivoted on a sixpence to see Britt running towards me. She looks a little flustered, red and white pleats of the standard issue Cheerios uniform fluttering around those long, golden legs. Before I knew it, I was engulfed (I'd say embraced, but I don't really think that's quite sufficient) in Brittany's arms.

Oh, the smell that surrounded me was quintessentially her. It titillates my every sense and renders me a puddle, completely at her disposal. I can't ever get enough of this; I can't ever get enough of her.

I looked up into her eyes questioningly. It may be the end of the school day, but we were still in school and I do have a reputation to, uphold? Protect? I'm not even sure how important that is anymore, when she's stood near me.

The smile gracing her lips pulled me back to reality, glorious as it was.

"S, I did it, I did it!" She repeated. It didn't clarify anything.

Confusion must have riddled my eyes, so she continued, "I passed my Spanish quiz San. Mr Schue gave the results out just now, and I passed!" Her eyes softened, I think more swimming pool esque than ocean deep, "it was all thanks to you" Britt adds.

Joy swept through me; I think I may have squealed, I threw my arms around her torso and pulled her close. She deserved this, my perfect girl (well I hope to make her mine) is deserving of everything!

I turned and pulled Britt by the hand out of school, it was now well after the final bell and the parking lot was clear, less the final few loiterers. We strolled over to my car, before I opened her door so she could slide on into the brown leather interior. After a quiet thanks, I rounded the car and popped myself into the driver's seat, before hightailing it out of the lot, and about 20 minutes later we pulled up at the closest ice cream parlour to our houses.

Britt squealed, 1 for 1 today then, and hopped out of the car before I'd even managed to turn off the engine. I was abruptly pulled from my seat and dragged, happily I should add, into the shop. Three scoops of ice cream later we were sat on the hood of my car, basking in the final sun of the day. We were sat close, sharing warmth, however unnecessary that was given the heat of the day, just enjoying the silence afforded to us from years of caring for each other.

I look to my right, extended a pinky and smiled wide. She slotted hers into mine, and we sat contentedly with one another.

"Is this our date S?" Britt asked me a moment later.

"No B, this is us celebrating your brilliance, I'm so proud of you" I responded softly, I swear when I'm around this girl I'm a bag of soft jelly sweets or a puddle of supple emotions (and I secretly love the reprieve it gives me from the coldness I extend to the rest of the world). I notice her head start to edge towards me, I know what she wants. I know what she wants because I want it to.

But I'm not ready, I can't, yet. I pull away. She seems to understand. But it doesn't stop the look that fleetingly crosses her features. It hurts, but I'm not there yet. I squeeze her pinky in apology, I know she will understand, and we hop off my hood, into the car, and make our way home.

The ride home is filled with chatter about our day, Wednesdays are tough, I only have one period with her so I spend much of my day in some sort of distracted dreamland. I tell her about the freshman the Cheerios slushied, the test I did well on and the mockery my English class made of our teacher. What I didn't tell her, was that whilst the class mocked; I stewed over my date ideas, before turning to my desk partner Quinn and begrudgingly getting her help.

Odd thing with Quinn, she certainly seems open to my relationship, for a girl raised in such a strict religion, I guess she has turned out pretty liberal, I wonder why?

We pulled up to Britt's house, where we would spend the evening.

Walking into the kitchen, we were met with Susan, Britt's mum, stood at the sink.

"Hey mum" Britt said, "hey Susan" I said at the same time.

"How are you girls today?" Susan responded. She was a kind woman, certainly the adult version of Britt, beautiful, sweet and kind hearted.

"Mum, I'm just going to go find Lord T; I think he's been reading my diary again." Um, no Britt, I may have had a little look, but I'm not going to own up to that, God no, better to let her blame the cat. The fat cat, I think he has it in for me anyway, so you know, karma.

After Britt left the room, I said "Yeh we're good thanks Susan, Britt passed her Spanish quiz today so we went to georgianos for some ice cream"

A smile crossed Susan's lips, hearing the result of her girl's quiz, "oh Santana, fantastic news" I was wrapped in a hug, wet hands barely grazing my back "thanks for all you've done to help Britt this last week or so, I know your busy and what not but we all appreciate it"

"It's no problem Mrs P, you know I'd do anything for her" I dismissed her thanks, who wouldn't help their best friend?

"That I do know" Susan muttered, under her breathe, "so have you thought about colleges Santana?" She asked me

Oh god, just like my parents. I'm 18, barely sure of what I'd like to be, let alone how I'm supposed to achieve it. "Not really Mrs. P, I mean both my parents are doctors but I think I'd like to be a lawyer" I added the last part shyly, it wasn't often I admitted my goals out loud.

"You'd be good at that Sanny" Britt said as she strolled back into the room, before practically strong arming her mother out of the way to wrap her arms around me and throwing me a grin.

With a sideways glance, Mrs. P went back to the sink and said "I agree with Britt, that definitely sounds like something you'd be good at"

"Thanks guys" I wanted to let the subject drop, I didn't have anything further to add and more questions would only bring out awkward answers that I really didn't want to give. I think Britt must have picked up on this, having time to mumble a quick 'See ya later' in Mrs P's direction we were quickly on our way up to Britt's room. Popping in our old favourite, Sweet Valley High, we settled down on her bed for the evening.

Its times like these that I can appreciate Britt. The little spoon in front of me for once, I just wrapped her up in my arms and held on tight. Never would I let anything happen to this girl, she will always be looked after if I have anything to do with it. I breathed in gently through my nose, inhaling that soft, strawberry smell that so often radiates from her. It's like an overload for my senses; one taste is just never enough. Long forgotten is the TV show now, I place a delicate kiss on the top of B's head, and then just rest my head on hers. Swiftly, she pivots in my arms, which expand to allow the action before wrapping firmly around her once again. She looks up into my eyes and before I can register its happening, her thin, pale lips are pressed up against mine.

This is not the first time we've kissed; my lips know what to do. They move against each other in practiced motion. Soft moans are elicited from both of us. I'm on my back before long, hands splayed gently on her lower back, whilst hers are placed either side of my head, supporting herself.

Starting the path up her back, I feel each muscle ripple, as she tenses. I make long strokes up and down her back before she pulls her lips from mine with a soft pop. "You're so beautiful B" it slipped from my mouth before I could stop it. Her eyes glisten, her nose crinkles and that smile, my smile, forms on those lips that were just attached to my own. She presses into me again, her body speaking the words she doesn't say.

I'm surrounded by everything she is; it laps at my senses and envelopes me. I don't fight it; I couldn't fight it even if I wanted to. We're gasping for air, breathing hard, fidgeting as our well practiced movements become heated.

"Girls, dinner" Mrs P calls from outside the door. Well. That certainly pulled things to a halt quickly, nothing like a mother to diminish someone's libido. Britt moved off of me, the immediate gush of air felt alien, unwanted against my body.

We moved our way downstairs before Susan needed to call us again and sat at the dining table.

"What's up squirt" I was sat opposite Britt's sister, Emily, at the table. If ever there was a child to love this would be the one. I have never had any siblings, being an only child, but when I look at Emily it sometimes feels like were sisters. We certainly bicker like sisters. At 14, Emily has a grasp of the English language sufficient to find retorts for even my most witty of comments, much to Britt's amusement.

"San I'm 14, I'm barely smaller than you are Shorty. You know, the size of your attitude doesn't make you any taller pipsqueak" Oh, quick tongued tonight then.

A glance to my right proves me right, Britt's suppressing a giggle and the parents are shaking their heads, it's fair to assume they've grown used to this at meals, and outings, and really any sort of get together where we're required to be in the same room.

Dinner, after an entertaining start, was an otherwise quiet affair. So caught up in my thoughts of the future was I that I barely participated in the conversations going on around me. B tossed me a couple of cursory glances, so I smiled in return to placate her questioning eyes, but before I knew it I was heading home. Time with Britt's family was always enjoyable, often more enjoyable than my somewhat colder home.

Pottering through the front door, I tossed my school bag by the front door before making my way up to my room. I could hear my parents milling around the house, unusual, they aren't usually both home, but whatever I guess.

Hopping in the shower, my mum caught me on the way out.

"Have you made you applications yet Santana?" My mum's authoritative tone shone through.

"Yeh Mum, I have, last week actually" I replied to my Mother, it was usually easier to just get to the point, clear and concise. I didn't hang around for a response. I traipsed back to my room and grabbed my phone before lying down on my bed.

To Britt: Hey B, heading off to sleep now, see you tomorrow, thanks for T! Xxx  
From Q: Bitch - Sorted what you asked me to do, you owe me one!  
I was grateful that Q was helping me, but being in someone's debt can bite your arse in ways you don't expect.  
To Q: Yeh, thanks Q  
From Britt: Night love, thanks for coming, pick me up tomorrow? XXXX  
To Britt: Course B, see you early, remember we've got practice in the morning xxx

With that sorted, I dropped off to sleep.

XIXIX

7am cheerios practice is a tedious affair. I picked Britt up this morning before we made our way to the school, how she can be quite so perky at this time I don't think I'll ever understand.

Laps. Laps. Laps. Cardio sessions are worse than normal, why in god's name it's necessary to run so many laps I don't know, but watching Britt run next to me is a small consolation. She barely breaks a sweat, those long, toned legs eating up the ground as I trundle on next to her.

Finally the session was over and we were in the locker room after showering. Britt's stood at her locker, just down from mine, and I can't help but look at her. Her cheeks still tinged slightly pink from exertion and the heat in the room from the showers, she looks so beautiful. She's staring at me too now. I can't look away. I try to control it, but I feel a shy smile pull at the concern of my lips. My eyes flitter to her lips, as I lick my own. She walks towards me, I feel her getting closer.

Breaking me from my reverie, she giggles and links our pinkies before shutting my locker and dragging me out of the room to our first class.

XIXIX

Finally it's Saturday, the school week is over and its date day. I'm excited, very excited. B doesn't know what I've planned so she will be surprised; I'm definitely looking forward to that!

To Brit: I'll pick you up at 1 B, wear something casual, be ready! xxx  
I threw my phone down on my bed and made my way into the bathroom to get ready. Showered and clean, I pottered into my wardrobe to find something to wear.

An hour later I looked around me. Splattered around were my clothes, like a mine field in a war zone. 'What the hell is casual' I said, exasperated, out loud to myself. It's my first ever date date with Britt, and I said casual, I don't even know what that is!

Looking at the time, I had to make a decision. I did my hair, down and wavy, and make up and quickly left the house. In my haste, I arrived at Britt's ten minutes early – eager much. I sat there for as long as I could, before I had to get out. I did a few lengths of the house trying to get rid of some of my nervous energy before I went and knocked on Britt's door.

Almost immediately the door swung open and I was offered the most delicious of sights. There stood the blond beauty, so tall and lean was she that when wearing such a delicate, sunlight yellow dress and flats she seemed like a goddess. I reached out my hand to touch, like a kid in a candy store, looking just wasn't enough. Captivated, I took her hands in mine and smiled wide and said "Hi B" almost stumbling over my words.

"Hey S, I've been watching you for a little while" I blushed, a little embarrassed "you look really pretty" She replied. I'd gone with a tight pair of dark wash jeans in the end, dark flats and a deep red, crew knit jumper to top it off. Casual, right?

I blushed under her gaze, what am I, a fifteen year old boy? "Thanks B, but you look so beautiful" I replied to her, before I turned on my heel and led her to the car. I opened her door, and then popped into the driver's side before starting the car and making our way to the first destination.

"Where are we going S?" Britt asked about 20 minutes into the journey.

I looked over to her, her eyebrows raised in question, reached over with my right hand and placed in on hers, on her thigh. "It's a surprise Britt, you'll enjoy it I promise" I said stroking her hand with my thumb.

She smiled over to me, and clasped by hand between both of hers, relaxing into her seat. She trusted me, of course she did, we've been friends for years.

About a half hour later we arrived at the edge of the Lima forest. Britt recognised where we were too, and hiked an eyebrow. We got out of the car in silence and I nervously took her hand, fully, in mine before walking a little ways into the forest. No words were spoken as we veered left and up a small hill, before arriving at our destination. As we walked out of the trees, a glanced a look at Britt. She was looking forward, excited and unsure about what lay in waiting for her arrival. I took this as a good sign, butterflies frittering in my stomach, and walked with her out into the sunny clearing.

Quinn had done a good job.

There lay a picnic set up fit for a King, or indeed a Queen. A basket of food and drink was placed to the side, the blanket set out in front of the small pond that was inhabited by small ducks up here. Brittany smiled, a large smile that seemingly took up the majority of her face.

I couldn't help but giggle at the sight. As she turned to me I got caught up in her eyes. Her hands closed in around me as mine did the same to her; she leant in, slowly, edging towards me, our eyes locked. Unable to take it any longer, I inhaled sharply and breathed in all that she is. I pushed forwards and claimed her lips with mine; hot, needy was I that we stumbled over to the blanket before planting ourselves next to each other facing the pond. I wrapped an arm around her, I couldn't not touch her.

"S" Britt started "this is perfect. Beautiful, just like you" I blushed and ducked my head. She doesn't realise that everything pales in comparison to her; nothing I can do for her will ever be enough.

After munching our way through the food and drink, evidently both of us had been too nervous to eat anything before hand, we strolled to the pond, not 10 feet away, and allowed our unclothed feet to slip beneath the lightly lapping water. We stood there, a moment frozen in time, watching the ducks, before I brought over the small bag of broken up bread that she likes to have to feed the ducks.

Later, late afternoon, we decided to make our way from the clearing back to my car. I'd done something right. Britt had my hand clasped firmly between her pale, slender fingers and a grin on her face bright enough to replace the sun. We reached my car not long after, nonsense discussions filling the time it took and entertaining us both.

Sliding into her seat, I closed the door behind her and rounded the car to the driver's side.

"Thanks S, I had the bestest time on our date today!" Britt exclaimed as I started the car, causing me to grin. I think my face is starting to ache from smiling.

"It's not over yet B" I said quietly, she heard, she smiled, my smile. And it made my day.


	4. Chapter 4

**_Evening guys, I hope your enjoying this like I am and thanks for reading so far. This is the next chapter I've finished, so do take a look, it contains my first attempt at an intimate scence as well. As per usual, I own nothing. Any advice let me know, leave a review or PM. Ta Ra chums_**!

XIXIX

We arrived at our next destination about 40 minutes later, giggling most of the drive we chatted like the close friends we are. I hopped out and rounded the car to take her hand in mine. Our fingers intertwined as smiles formed on our faces. She looked my way with the softest of expressions, knowing also where we are.

Lima Theatre of the Arts. Britt had danced here, on more than one occasion actually, and light up the stage she did. Graceful and fluid, Britt would float across the stage, captivating not only myself, but also the rest of the audience.

But this evening, the New York Ballet was in town, and I'd managed to convince my parents to sort out two tickets for me. I didn't exactly say why, but I think they knew.

I gave the porter our tickets, and we walked into the theatre. It was dimly lit but we found our way to our seats pretty quickly. Dead centre, towards the front, good job parents!

"S, this is amazing!" Britt turned to me to say, "I can't believe you'd do this for me"

"B I'd move mountains if you asked me to, I wanted this to be special, because your special to me." I whispered back. It looked like Britt just about melted, I'm so glad she's enjoying this.

The spotlight on the stage lit up, highlighting the first performer, as he danced across the stage I couldn't help but think how much more special Britt was. I angled my body, and wrapped my arm around her, it might be dark but it was in public. Britt took my hand that was around her shoulders in her left and held firm, lovingly.

The lights came up at the end of the show, and people started filing out. Britt and I followed suit but didn't head for the exit, rather we hung a left and ducked into one of the side rooms, a small practice room I know Britt's spent some time in before her performances.

I knew Britt wanted to question why we were here, but I sent her a look to give me a moment to explain. As the door closed behind us, the lights flickered on lowly and we made our way to sit in the seating in the room. I moved my hand to her cheek and rubbed my thumb over her cheekbone tenderly.

"Britt" I started "Britt I need to talk to you about something"

"San, is something wrong?" I could hear the anxiety riddling in her voice.

"Britt, we're in our senior year of high school, in a couple of months we'll be finished and then a new phase of our life will be beginning" I looked into her eyes. I've spent much of this week thinking about this conversation, but no level of preparedness could put me at ease."B, your so special to me, you've always been so special to me and I don't want the end of this year to be the end of us"

"It won't be Sanny, that couldn't happen to us" she replied softly and surely.

"Britt, when you mum asked me about college plans, what I didn't tell her, or you, was that yeh I want to be a lawyer, but I also want to go to school in New York. B I've applied to schools in New York, that's where I want to go" but 'I don't want to go alone', went unspoken this time.

"San, I want to dance, it's the thing I'm best at, its my second greatest passion" second greatest, I thought "after you"

Oh. A pause. "Britt come with me to New York" I threw it out there quickly, before I could get too nervous not to ask.

"Well yeh San" I'm confused. No really, so confused. "San what did you think was going to happen? I think the world of you, we're going to be together, we're going to be together in New York if that's where you need to be" she said it so simply, so clearly, like all we were doing was fulfilling a prophecy, a pre determined path. "Sanny do you remember my last performance here?" We'll yeh, how could i not, she was sublime " afterwards I was stood in this very room when a representative from Juilliard came and spoke to me and my parents. S they offered me a full scholarship if I chose to go there. S, Juilliard is in New York" she raised both eyes, giving me a moment for my brain to catch up.

It did indeed take a moment. But then it clicked. "Britt!" I think I screamed that. "B. Britt. Brittany" okay, so perhaps not the most cohesive of responses, but I couldn't believe it. "Britt, can we go to New York?" I just had to check.

"Yeh Sanny, lets go to New York" she responded.

I was instantly pulled flush against her, almost straddling her chair as I thrust my hands up into her blond hair. Her hands rested on my lower back, as I moaned. Maybe more than once. I pulled back. "Britt, stay with me tonight" it was more one of those techincally-it's-a-question-but-really-it's-more-of-a-statement-questions.

Britt mumbled a response, it wasn't a no, and I dragged her out to my car to go back to my house. En route home, Britt text her mum to let her know she was staying over, her parents never said no, and before we knew it we were stood outside my front door whilst I fished for my house keys.

Evidentially I was taking to long. Britt pushed a hand against my sternum and I was backed against the door. Her lips instantly collided with mine. Oh god, I twisted my wrist when I finally found my keys and shoved it into the lock. Once opened, I pulled Britt into the house and turned to lock the door. Almost immediately my lips were back on hers. Arms wrapped around each other we started stumbling through the house

"San, San, wait. What about your parents?" Britt mumbled against my lips as we reached the bottom of the stairs.

"Uhhmm" I moaned "they're both at a doctors conference in Arizona, not back til Monday" I beg of you Brittany, I thought, stop using your mouth to ask questions.

We stumbled our way up the stairs, and before long were in my room. As I closed the door, I felt Britt push my back up against it. Her hands moved from my shoulders, they brushed past my breasts, barely grazing the outside of them, they passed over my stomach before passing round to my lower back.

My hands moved up into her hair, I tugged her closer to me and I felt her hands wrap around my arse, pulling me up and into her. I wrapped my tanned legs around her, locking them at the ankles behind her back.

Moans filled the room, both of us gasping for air. She swizzled, turning me with her, as we made our way over to my bed.

I was practically thrown onto the mattress, landing nestled amongst the pillows. Britt followed suit, settling herself between my spread legs.

I felt my body accommodate her weight, her presence, as she lowered herself onto me. Her hips collided with mine deliciously, her lips teased mine as she dragged hers softly over them, her hands resting soundlessly beside my head.

I tilted my chin as I felt her kiss trail from my lips to my chin to my neck. My hands scratched at her back as I felt my hips buck up into hers. Legs crossed behind her back, I pulled her further into me.

"Mmmm" I moaned as I felt her nip at my collarbone. "Off" I felt her lips trace on my skin. Quickly I was dragged upright before I was rid of my jumper. I made quick work of her dress, pretty as it was, I think I preferred it on the floor.

I couldn't help as my gaze drifted lower, fell off her face and landed on her chest. My hands reached out, knowingly, and landed delicately on her chest. I kneaded in practiced motion, it wasn't enough. Her moans are needy, our kisses hot with emotion.

I snaked a hand round to rid her of her bra, it fell to the floor next to her forgotten dress. Mine followed shortly after, and I pulled her into me. Chests brushed together, my hands trailed to her arse. I gripped, and flipped. As I settled on top of her, blond hair splayed out around her beautiful, pink, flustered face, I felt her hands working at my jeans. I stood to rid myself of them before climbing back on top of her.

I looked in her eyes, lost in them, "I love you" tumbled from my lips before I had the ware withal to stop them. All movements ceased in that moment. She looked at my with those ocean eyes and held my cheeks with both palms.

"I love you too, San" she whispered. And never a truer statement has been uttered.

I felt her hands move from my face to my back, as I moved my hands down to her panties. I ran my fingers tentatively just under the waistband. As her nails dug into my back, I whipped her final layer of clothing off of her and tossed them to the floor, before doing the same to myself.

I looked in her eyes, as my finger edged its way between her folds. Finding her magic button, I pressed hard, rubbed, pinched, and felt her neediness as my own peaked. I kissed her neck, I kissed her forehead, I kissed her lips, I kissed every inch of her I could reach. Her head was thrown back, she was writhing beneath me.

I pushed in, I pulled out. I pushed in with a second and felt her envelop my fingers. Warmth surrounded me as I found my rhythm. Soon It wasn't enough, I could feel her tightening around me, I could feel myself growing urgent, as she trailed her own hand between us, I couldn't help but whimper as her fingers grazed my sensitive bundle, before pushing into me with two fingers.

We rocked against each other, our kisses sloppy and wet, a sheen of sweat grazing our brow and our bodies, as we ebbed closer. I could feel it washing over me, I rode her fingers as I thrust into her. Faster. Harder. Moans, grunts, filling the room.

We tumbled, fell, together, over the edge. Time stood still as she came hard, all over my hand. I shuddered, and felt her do the same beneath me. Satiated, I stroked out the last of her orgasm whilst she did the same to me. We pulled out, and I wiped my hand next to me, before I climbed up her glorious body to hold her against my chest.

I could feel our chests rising and falling as we calmed, came down. A small smile graced her lips as she leant up to brush her lips against mine, before settling her head against my bare chest. Strawberry and perspiration filled my senses.

I could feel us drifting off to dreamland.

"B" I positively mumbled the letter.

"Yeh S" she responded sleepily. So cute was she when her words were muffled by my chest.

"I love you, everything that you are" I couldn't not. "I want you to be my girlfriend" she couldn't not be.

"Yeh S ,I'm so yours. I love you too" placing a small kiss against my chest.

My chest burst against her lips. My heart beat rapidly, like all of a sudden it was being powered by something outside of myself.

I felt myself fall asleep with Britt. My perfect girl.

Mine.

XIXIX

I awoke the next morning in the position I fell asleep. The sun shone through the open curtains, highlighting Britt's beautiful features. My girlfriend, my beautiful girlfriend. I inhaled through my noses, relishing that soft smell.

I couldn't lie there any longer, so I removed myself slowly from her embrace and moved silently into my wardrobe. I found a short pair of shorts and one of Britt's t shirts, they've always been slightly too large on me, before making my way out of my room. With one glance over my shoulder I left Britt, my girlfriend, in my bed as I walked with a bounce in my step into the kitchen.

I grabbed what I'd need and just as I was cracking the eggs into the pan I felt two arms wrap around me. I leant back into it, I let it surround me as I felt thin lips press against my neck. "Mmm, god" I moaned in response.

"It's okay, you can call be Britt" I heard her say from behind me, cheeky. Talking of cheeky, I pivoted to see she was butt naked in my kitchen. Thank god the parents are away.

"Morning B, how do you feel this morning?" I asked, whilst wrapping my arms around her neck and pushing myself up to kiss her, my girlfriend. "Cold?" I winked.

"No, Im good, great. I have a new girlfriend"

"Oh who, who?" I asked eagerly, playing along.

"Well she's smart and she's funny and she's sweet and caring. But we need to keep that on the down low - girl's got a rep" I couldn't help but laugh in response as I felt her fingers tickle down my sides.

"I love you B" I smiled.

"Mmmm, I love you too sweetie. But cook my breakfast now" she finished, and turned to hop up onto the counter. Yeh, I'd have to wash that down after, but hell if she wants to sit naked whilst I cook her something, far is it for me to question that. I kept silent, grinned, and turned back to the pan.

Serving up the eggy dish, I took her hand in mine and guided her off the counter and into the lounge. I pulled her into my lap, so her back rested against the arm rest of the sofa, legs stretched out over me. Good job it was a warm this morning, she didn't get cold. We fed each other breakfast, slowly, contentedly before dropping the plate in the sink and going back upstairs to bed.

We spent the day watching movies and eating junk food, all too soon it was time to take B home.

As she dressed, in some of my clothes, god I love it when she does that, she turned to me and said "S, I want to tell our parents."

I felt like my arse fell out of my shorts my stomach sank so low in that moment. Our parents. I mean I couldn't exactly say no, we've been doing this dance for so long now, and we're officially together, an us, now. So really there's no excuse. I wanted to find one, I wanted to put off that discussion, I searched my brain but came up empty. My only choice; "okay B, if that's what you want."

I couldn't say no to her. So now we're telling our parents about us. That I'm gay and in love with my best friend. Oh, and we have to tell them about our future.

Awesome.

Despite myself I smiled, she was smiling at me, my smile, and I've always known I'd do anything for this girl. I think she knows that too. I love her.


	5. Chapter 5

_**Hi guys! So you'll notice almost immediately this chapter is different from the others. I hope you'll give it a chance, and please do let me know any comments to have to make my writing better. As per, I have no rights to the characters used. **_  
_**Also, you'll note I've taken some liberties as to character backgrounds so bear with. Thanks for reading**_!

XIXIX

**From Britt: I told them San, they don't mind. Come on over whenever you're ready, they want to see you. Love you! Xxxx**

I looked at my phone in my left hand as it buzzed with the new message. It took only a moment for me to look over the letters, blurred though they were. My brain put the letters together to make words, the words to make sentences, causing tears to finally stream down my cheeks. I'd held it in as long as I could, but they rose like a river, flooding my face as gravity pulled them onward the earth.

I cranked my arm back, before unleashing the phone from my hand, against my dark wall. It cracked and shattered on impact as I sank to the floor. I could hear the banging coming from my door, but everything else had shut down. I was numb, cold, unfeeling.

I pulled my loose outerwear further around me, tugged the cardigan closer, as I felt sobs wrack my body. I allowed the tears to come, escape my body where I'd held them prisoner and fall to the floor, staining the otherwise clinically clear carpet.

Eventually silence reigned. The door stopped banging, shaking. My mind went quiet, and I fell asleep.

XIXIX

- _The week prior_ -

It was the end of the week and school had gone SLOWLY. Britt I were in a delicate balance the whole time between wanting to touch, feel, see, but needing to keep it between us. whilst I'd hoped otherwise, Britt was still keen to tell our parents about our relationship. Thus far I'd managed to avoid that situation but I could feel her growing impatient, though she tried to hide it.

"I'm trying Britt, I really am but I don't think you're really appreciating what could happen if we tell them" I tried to put this conversation to bed before it really started, but I should have known it wouldn't be that easy. We were sat in my car at the end of the school day, waiting for the parking lot to clear before we left. Britt has family night tonight so not only can we not have date night but we have to get our 'cuddle' on here... If people would only hurry up and disappear, I thought, glancing out the windows.

"San, firstly it's when we tell them. We're not not telling them, so lets get that straight and (b) our parents are usually pretty cool about things. Like when we got caught skipping school a couple months back, they didn't really punish us or anything, they just forgave us." Britt tried to reason with me.

I huffed a laugh "B, your parents may have forgiven us, but mine didn't even care in the first place. They're never around to care, always at work, at this conference or that conference. They won't know anything is different with me, nothing will change if i don't tell my parents so what's the point?" I want to make her happy, I do, but why cause an issue when there's no need?

"The point is, Santana, that I love you, and you love me, and I want everyone to know it."

"Britt I want the same thi.."

"NO you don't" Britt was basically shouting now as she interrupted me. "'Cause see to me everyone includes my parents!"

Britt was definitely angry now, that's not want I wanted. "Britt..." I started, but didn't really know what to say next.

Not that it mattered. "You know what Santana, save it. Just, I dunno, just do whatever it is you want to do, see if I care!" And with that she got out the car. I scrambled in my seat belt to reach out with my left hand to pull her back but she was too fast, gone before I could pull her back.

"Eurhgg" I sighed. I didn't know if I should follow her or just let her be alone. It was a long walk home and she probably shouldn't do it by herself.

I watched as brittany twisted around mid step. Ah, she's coming back, I exhaled a sigh of relief thinking that we could go back to our originally scheduled programme.

Out of my peripheral I caught a flash of dirty blond hair. Quinn. I saw as she jogged into my field of vision and right up to Britt's side. Oh, she wasn't turning back for me then. I could see them talking, mouths moving quickly, before the girl with the dirty blond hair looked my way, a scowl clear as day evident on her face. I grimaced, what was brittany saying? I watched in silence as Q wrapped an arm around Britt's waist and led her to the shiny, ice blue Prius nearer the entrance to the parking lot. Not a minute later that same car left the lot.

She hadn't even looked back. Not once since she got out of my car.

XIXIX

"Oh Britt, don't be sad" Quinn implored from the driver's seat, she leant over and slid her palm into Brittany's that was resting on the centre console.

"Thanks for the ride Quinn, I just couldn't sit there any longer with her" Brittany replied.

"What's going on B? It seemed like things were good this week between you two"

Brittany bit her cheek, thinking. 'Santana probably wouldn't want her to tell Quinn, but this was Quinn, their best friend' brittany thought. "Quinn.." Brittany started.

A pause. "Britt.."

"Quinn, San and I are together. Like, we're boyfriend and girlfriend. Only girls. Girlfriend and girlfriend" brittany told Quinn, she felt like she just had to get it out, she didn't have anyone else she could talk to about these things.

Quinn for her part didn't look surprised, in fact she looked a little smug. "Finally" she mumbled under her breath. Brittany looked over at her, evidently hearing the word, and quirked an eyebrow in question. "I may or may not have cornered Santana and more or less told her to get her arse in gear before she made you both miserable with this ridiculous are we, aren't we game you've been playing all year. So you know, I kinda happy she finally did!" A smile broke its way over her face before she caught herself, and frowned. "Britt, if you're together now, why are you unhappy?"

By this point in time they were pulling into Brittany's road. Brittany sighed. "Because Q, San won't tell her parents about us"

Quinn came to a stop on the road outside Brittany's house and turned to her, not releasing the hand she'd held the ride's entirety "I'm sorry B" she said warmly "come out with me tomorrow, I'll cheer you up?"

Brittany smiled a small smile, the first since she got into the car earlier with Santana. "Okay" she replied to Quinn.

"Yay" Squealed Quinn. "Okay so I already have something planned so you can come with me. I'll be here at 11 to pick you up!"

Brittany leant over the console to hug Quinn before opening the door. Getting out, she turned and poked her head back into the car " bye Q, see ya tomorrow!" With a little waive she watched as Quinn sped off, down her road, in her little environmentally friendly car.

Game night, thought brittany, time spent with her family never failed to put a smile on her face. And that it did. The only thing that could have made it better were if Santana were there too enjoy it too.

XIXIX

11am on Saturday rolled around quickly and brittany found herself stood outside her house in jeans and a t shirt waiting for Quinn. She hadn't slept well, or much, last night, caught up in thoughts of her girlfriend. She hadn't heard from her, though she kind of expected too, and couldn't decide if she'd maybe pushed her too far this time.

Startled from her thoughts by a honk, she walked down the pathway and hopped into Quinn's car. "Hi Q" brittany said by way of greeting.

Quinn turned to hug the girl sat across from her, and felt the way she was slumped, resigned, in the embrace. "Hey B" she said softly "still not feeling so great today?" The answer written all over her face, Brittany's head shake wasn't all that necessary "well that's why your with me today Britt"

"We didn't break up Quinn. I can't be with you" brittany spoke up

"I just meant we're hanging out so we can make you happy again Britt" Quinn responded with a smile.

"Oh, cool. Thanks Q. Where are we going today?" Brittany asked a few minutes into their journey.

"To the mall first B" Britt got her answer and turned in her seat to watch as the world passed them by. A little while later they pulled into an open space, vacated the car and headed into the glass fronted mall.

Shops a plenty surrounded them on all sides. A sea of children, parents and grandparents provided the obstacles between the two girls and their destinations. A dance of sorts ensued, shuffling to the right, striding to the left, dodging a stray toddler before finding their first shop.

As 1 o'clock rolled around, both blonds felt themselves in need of some respite, and found their way to the eatery near the middle of the mall.

"Quinn, why are we here?" Brittany asked and the walked through the door, "there's a pizza place like right next door" pizza had always been their go to pick-me-up meal.

Quinn was distracted though and hadn't heard Brittany's question. "Ah, there she is" Quinn said after a moment of looking around the restaurant.

"Who.." Britt started and she followed Quinn's eye line, matching her stride for stride.

Quinn came to a stop and hugged the girl in front of her, before she stepped back and the brunettes' eyes fell on brittany.

"Hey Rachel" brittany said as she embraced the, much, shorter girl.

"Hi Brittany, how are you today?" Rachel asked as they broke free of each other.

"Yeh I'm good, what are you doing here?" Britt was confused, she hadn't really spent any time with Rachel alone outside of glee club.

"It's Saturday, the better question is what you're doing here brittany"

Brittany looked over to Quinn in question. "It's become a sort of thing I guess" Quinn started, "Rachel and I meet here for some lunch most Saturdays. It's good here, foods tasty, even though its vegan,(Rachel quirked an eyebrow) and one of Rachel's dads own the place, so we eat for free."

Brittany accepted the answer, never one to pass up a free meal. "Well thanks for letting me join" Britt said by way of a response.

They were seated immediately at Quinn and Rachel's usual table before ordering what they usually did. Quinn ordered for Brittany as she hasn't been there before. Quinn and Rachel caught up whilst Brittany sat in relative silence, not really understanding what was going on.

"Um Quinn" Brittany interrupted "am I missing something here?"

Quinn looked over to Brittany and explained, "at school yeh we bicker, we have to to keep social order, but we actually like each other, you know, outside of school." She sent a small smile over to Rachel. "The person we present to the world B isn't always the person we are."

The food arrived and Quinn dug in first, and the conversation slowed, focused mainly on how good what they were eating tasted! After the plates were cleared from their table,Rachel left the two blonds to say bye to her father in the office. "Wanna come back to mine Britt? We can ask Rachel too"

"Sure Q, sounds fun" brittany said in response.

When Rachel returned, it was agreed that the three would head back to Quinn 's to enjoy the afternoon sun by the pool.

All the girls used one of Quinn's bikinis to use by the pool, each disappearing individually to change. Quinn met Brittany out on one of the sun loungers by the pool and pulled one up for Rachel too.

"Wow rach, you're looking smoking" brittany said, smiling, as the noticed Rachel walk out onto the pool area. Quinn smiled too, her cheeks tinged a little pink as she turned back toward to pool, sunglasses over her eyes.

Rachel laughed, "thanks brittany".

Lazy chattered ensued, careless were the three girls as they relaxed In the afternoon sun. Eventually Rachel had to leave, citing her need to return to the restaurant where she helped out her dad in lieu of a part time job. Britt waived from the pool as she bobbed her head in and out of the water, she didn't notice as Quinn got up from her seat and hugged Rachel tightly to her bikini clad chest, "Bye Rach" she murmed to the other girl. "See you soon Quinn" Rachel replied with a smile as she stepped backwards and let herself out.

Quinn decided to hop into the pool with Britt, so threw herself under the water off the side, showering both Britt and a 5 foot radius in chlorine smelling pool water. Spluttering, she sidled up to brittany, having to tread water in the deep end where they swam.

"Hey B" Quinn chuckled, "did you have a good day?"

Brittany wrapped her arms around the smaller girls waist, pulling into her where she stood, tall enough to keep here her head above water. "Yeh, thanks Q" brittany nuzzled her nose into her shoulder.

"Any time B, any time."

A little while later, both girls were lounging in the tv room when Quinn's parents got back. "B, wanna stay here tonight?" Quinn turned to ask.

"Okay" brittany said in response, she hadn't anywhere else to be, silent was her phone as it had been all day. Still nothing from Santana, weird, Brittany thought as she glanced for any notifications. Quinn got up to speak with her parents before returning with take away her mum had picked up en route home. The two headed upstairs to Quinn's room before settling at the foot of the bed to eat.

3 movies later the two were sprawled out of the bed, lights dimmed and tv still on, fast asleep.

XIXIX

Sunday was a quiet affair for the two ladies. Without so much as a text from Santana, Brittany had started worrying and when she couldn't be distracted by food, films or fun anymore, Quinn dropped her home.

As Brittany stepped through the front door, she whipped off her cardigan from Quinn and headed straight for the lounge.

"Hey Em" said sighed as she lay her head in her lap on the sofa.

"Hey Britty" Emily replied. Sensing her sister's unhappiness, she started running her hand through soft blond locks. A few minutes later Emily tried to ask what was wrong but Brittany just said 'nothing' before getting off her lap and heading upstairs.

Once in her room, she changed and climbed into bed. It was a little early but with nothing else to do she was hoping a good sleep would put her in a better frame of mind to see Santana in the morning.

XIXIX

I hadn't done anything all weekend really, other than slump around the house avoiding my parents. I also avoided Britt. I knew she was upset and I didn't want to make her more sad or mad,so I thought staying away was probably better.

As I showered for school, I couldn't help but surmise what I'd been thinking this weekend.

Weak. Pathetic. Unworthy. Britt's right when she says we need to tell our parents. We can't really have a relationship that's healthy until we do. I guess I just have to bite the bullet eventually, so to speak, and then face whatever the outcome is. At least I won't be alone, I don't think.

After getting into bed, I submitted to the tiredness that seeped into my every bone.

XIXIX

**_Part 2 to follow, can you guess what's coming next, what caused the first paragraph? stay tuned!_**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hi Guys, here is the second instalment of the previous chapter, I really do hope you enjoy. I have a pretty defined picture of where this is going to go now so I hope you stick around to see; thanks for reading so far, it makes my day!**

**Disclaimer; I own nothing in this story.**

XIXIX

I got a text from Brittany on Monday morning telling me I don't need to bother coming to come and pick her up (I think I can safely assume I'm not forgiven yet). We didn't have early morning cheerios practice today so i guess it wasn't that unusual, sometimes Susan would drop her off or her Dad may even do it if he didn't have to go into work early. I pulled into the school parking lot a little early, anxious to see Britt, who I haven't seen since she left me alone in my car on Friday.

Students were milling around me as I got out of the car. I walked with power dictating my every stride as I gave off an air of confidence - false though it may have been - through the open front doors to the school. I meandered through the hallways for a moment before I turned into the one my locker was in.

My stride broke as I looked to see who was surrounding my, well actually Britt's, locker. There, to my disbelief, stood Brittany. Quinn. And Rachel-freaking-Berry! What is going on! Since when did Rachel spend any time with Q or B? Oh god the questions are plaguing me now and I still haven't moved from where I am seemingly rooted to the floor.

I shook my head to clear some of the cobwebs, I had to approach them - I'm on a mission today. "Morning Britt" I said as I came to a stop behind her, I could see Quinn and Rachel looking at me from where I stood, but I can't even be bothered with that situation right now, nope - one issue at a time Lopez.

I watched as Brittany's shoulders tensed and rolled, as she ceased speaking and turned to look me in the eye. Well, glare. That's probably a glare. My hands started fidgeting as my eyes flittered around, looking everywhere but those piercing blues eyes. My eyes finally focussed, only on my shoes - did I really choose these today? God, pull it together man, remember why we're here.

"Santana" Still being on a first name basis with Brittany was wearing at me, I know she reserves it for when she's either sad or pissed at me, I think I'd bet money on it being a little or a lot of both, mostly sad, right now.

"Britt, can we talk?"

"You wanna talk now S, now you're good and ready" Brittany said incredulously.

I could see behind Brittany, Quinn was shaking her head dismissively, and Rachael looked like she wanted to break into song; freaking Rachel Berry wanting to provide a soundtrack to my life.

"Britt, please. We need to get over this already, I can't have you angry with me anymore"

"I'm not mad at you anymore Santana; I'm just sad now, a sad Panda" Britt replied (I'll take my winnings in cash if you please).

"B" I started "Can we please not do this here?" I implored, any sort of face that Quinn saw that wasn't my, powerful - strike you down if you come at me, face was not one i wanted her to see right now.

"Yeh Santana let's not do it here. Lets not do it now either. In fact, why bother at all!" And with that, she turned on her heel, pulled her bag closer around her shoulders and left me, again, flanked by Q and Berry.

'Argh' I thought as I started getting out what I needed from my locker and headed to my first class. I'd been thinking all weekend about what I should do/say to make the situation between us better, but now she won't even give me the chance!

The day was awkward, tense. Britt and I share a couple of classes on a Monday and whilst we were sat next to each other she didn't even look at me, let alone reciprocate my attempts at starting a conversation. After each class I thought maybe I could catch her before she disappeared to the next; but every time I tried I was immediately stopped in my tracks by either Quinn or Rachel flanking her. How come they got to be the ones talking to her, looping their arm with hers, laughing with her. I should be that person, not those two substitutes!

Before I knew it I was waiting by my, well her, locker at the end of school, hoping she would maybe need a lift home. No such luck I soon found out. Quinn shot me a glare as she rounded the corner of the hallway next to Brittany; I didn't even bother to acknowledge her presence until she spoke up, stopping in front of me.

"I'll take Britt home S" was all she said. While I was looking at Quinn, Brittany had managed to get past me, heading straight out the doors. I could only watch as Quinn pivoted and followed after her.

I put on my best scowl face before strutting out of the hallway - catching a glimpse of that stupid, blue Prius as it left the lot.

'What a day' I sighed as I got in. Just as I was about to turn on the engine, my passenger door opened. Who tell he-

"Santana"

Rachel-freaking-Berry.

"What on God's green earth are you doing in my car; I So don't have enough petrol to get you back to the Shire"

"A pleasure as my experiences always tend to be with you Santana, I believe you are in need of some help"

"Berry are you crazy? Why do I need your help"

I saw as a slight smirk appeared on her face, "Britt-"

"That's none of your business Berry; now if you please, get out of my car before it gets covered in your hobbit germs"

"She's hurt Santana, and she is my friend; so that makes it my business! Now. Drive us somewhere, where we are going to talk!" A Rachel Berry demand was definitely something under a normal circumstance I might have to smack her down for. But this was Britt, and maybe I did need her *gulp* help.

I put the car into drive and screeched out of the parking lot. I saw Berry hold onto the car door arm rest as I drove fast round tight bends and put my foot down on the straights. The least I can do if I have to be in her presence is terrify her, a little.

Pulling to a stop, Berry finally opened her eyes and allowed the tension out of her body, I smirked and got out the car. We'd come to my house - I couldn't be seen in public with the Imp. We entered the grand entryway and I watched as she tried to take everything in. The high ceilings, the expensive decorations, it was a show house, nothing more than a front.

"Make yourself at home Berry" I laughed as I called from the kitchen. Lord knows I've never been able to make this place a home.

I found Berry eventually in the sitting room, one of many pointless rooms. Pretty sure the only time I've ever spent any time out of my room is to eat and get told off. I gave her a glass of water as I sat down on the armchair across from her. If my Mother has taught me only one thing, it would be how to be courteous to guests. I'm also supposed to offer her to take her shoes off, but I don't want those hairy codgers touching my parents' carpet.

"Thanks Santana" Berry said, perhaps a little surprised by my apparent hospitality.

"Yeh well, what do you want Berry?" Rude? I don't care, I certainly don't want to draw this out.

"I was with Quinn and Brittany this weekend" That's surprising. "Santana you know Brittany; she warm and hap-"

"Yes Berry, I know Brittany, I have most of my life, so lets skip happy hour at the Inn and get to the point shall we" I don't need her bringing up everything that Brittany is, that brings light into my life.

"Yes well, be that as it may. This weekend she was sad, quiet, and seemed exhausted - like she had a lot weighing on her mind. I can't help but think that because you weren't with her, you are the cause of that. Today was much the same, she just seems tired of whatever it is she has going on Santana." It hurts, a lot, to hear that Brittany has been like this "So Santana you need to sort it out."

"Hold up Hobbit, you don't even know what's going on and you come into my house and make demands of me" I can't believe it.

"I don't have to know what's going on Santana. All I know, all I need to know, is that my friend is upset and you're causing it." With that Rachel stood up and looked down at me. "Santana you can be kind and sweet, its obvious you love her.. " 'What the hell does this girl know' - I'm screaming in my head. "she is your best friend after all." oh thank god, she doesn't know. Im so not ready to deal with that bag of wet fish yet "so get your head out of your ass and make things right!"

I watched as Rachel turned and left the house (I could care less how she was going to get to wherever she lives) and I was left alone, again, with my thoughts.

It was 6 O'clock when I got a text from Brittany.

**From Britt: Santana I'm at the park, if you wanna talk, now I'm ready. I hope you are too.**

Quick as my legs could carry my I was out of the house, I didn't have anyone to say bye to - my parents aren't back yet, and was in my car speeding to the park.

As I pulled up and got out of my car, I could see the park, in the final heat and light of the day, was near desolate. A lone figure was sat on the swings, dragging her feet backwards and forwards beneath her. Brittany. As i passed through the gate, it squeaked and alerted her to my arrival. I tried to smile at her but I could see she wasn't, and it halted mine in it's path up my face.

I took a seat on the swing next to me; floundering a little as I finally got my arse into the silly little seat. Smooth criminal Lopez strikes again.

"Hi Britt" I started.

"I'm ready to talk to you now Santana, but I want you to start." Damn, I thought maybe she could start and we'd just snowball. Come on, she's your best friend, your girlfriend for crying out loud, you love her so freaking act like it!

"I'm sorry Britt" I got out after a moments pause, "you know how hard talking is for me" An empathetic smile crossed her features for just a moment, but i saw as it softened her exterior. "Britt, you mean the World to me, you have to know that. When I said I, uh, when I said I don't want to tell me Parents about us its not because I don't care about you. I just, Britt you've experienced my parents, they are just cold, old people who have never really cared for me. Why would I want to share my most precious thing with them?" I really hoped she'd understand.

"Its like your ashamed of me S" Britt said quietly, but the words cracked through my brain like thunder on a stormy night. 'I could never be ash'- I thought in my head but then realised I should probably tell her this.

"I could never be ashamed of you B, your my perfect perfect thing." A small smile graced her lips as she looked into my eyes.

"S we danced around what we are for months, I'm just so tired of not actually being able to be with you in the fresh, open air, only stuck behind a closed door in a dark room.

"I'm sorry B"

"S we never talk about anything, and it makes it so hard to be with you when you're a closed book. You're like a duck Santana." I'm confused, maybe offended? "S you're like a swimming duck on that pond. On the top, what we see, what the world sees, you just go along your way, eating food and quacking at other ducks. But below the surface, you're legs are going like the clappers to keep you afloat. S I don't know how we can be together if we can't talk about things." I guess that made more sense, B is a genius. "So Santana, get your ass out of the water and onto land, because I need to see those legs of yours." I couldn't stop it as a little chuckled bubbled its way up my throat and escaped into the evening air. I watched as Britt's features soften and she stopped the gentle swaying motion in her swing.

I got off my swing and knelt in front of her as I placed my hands lightly on her knees, steadying her. "Britt I'm sorry, I want to be like you, a graceful swan dancing on land with those beautiful legs on show for me to see, but it's so hard. I'll work on it though, I promise" I tried a little smile.

"Thanks S" She placed her hands over mine, seemingly accepting my response. "I still wanna tell me parents San. If we're together now I want to be completely together. No more hiding, I can't do it anymore." I didn't really have a choice, If I wanted to be with her this was the stipulation. And i want to be with her.

"Okay B, we'll tell them." I hate that Im going to have to do this, but its what she wants after all, and she's not wrong. She smiled at my answer and pulled me off my knees, into her lap.

Sat sideways on her lap, she said "Anyway Sanny, maybe it won't be so bad?"

"Your parents will be fine with it B, but mine aren't really like that. To be honest I don't really know how they'll react, I don't really know them." I know that its hard for Brittany to hear that I'm not close with my parents like she is with her family, but its the truth. I don't know them really, we've never talked about difficult topics. The only thing I've ever heard my parents say about gays was my Father saying that he could care less as long as he didn't have to see it. My mother had no response.

I put my arms around Britt's neck as she sighed, I think that, as much as she didn't want to accept it, she knew I was probably right. "Yeh San. But you have to know I'll be there with you whether it goes well or not"

"No, no Britt" I can't have her there with me when I tell me parents, "Britt you can't be there, I have to do it alone"

"San we're supposed to do the hard things together, we're a partnership!"

"Britt I know you want me to communicate more, and I will try, but if my parents get angry I don't know that I'll be able to protect you from them.

"S. I don't need protecting, its not your job to protect me'

"I'm your girlfriend B, of course it's my job. And I want to protect you, but I can't do that if you're there with me." I won't hear anything more on the subject, the best thing is for me to tell them alone and face whatever repercussions there are - at least I know she will be safe. "So no, you'll go home and tell your parents, and I'll tell mine."

Brittany could see I was going to fight my corner on this one, and I could see as the different thoughts passed through her mind. "Fine, okay S. Tonight?" She asked.

I couldn't help as nerves rippled through my body at the thought. "Yeh B, tonight."

We stayed in the park a little while longer, just sat on the swing holding each other. Periodically I would feel B tighten her arms and squeeze my waist, as though she was trying to physically pass me good thoughts and happy feelings. Eventually it was getting dark and we had to head home.

Dropping B off at her house was familiar. But as I turned to her beside me and realised how new the next couple hours would be I couldn't help but wonder what my future had in store, whether we could be like this again.

"You're sure you don't want me there" Brittany asked, sensing my nerves.

"No B, I need you to stay here - I can come with you if you want though?" I knew that her parents wouldn't mind, they loved her completely and were pretty liberal parents - well they had to be to have raised Britt.

"That's okay S, you go do what you have to do." She leant over and hugged my shoulders close to her own. As she pulled back she grazed her lips against mine, I couldn't forget how glorious kissing her is, especially when I'd gone without for so long.

As B released my lips from hers, I could feel a pout forming, but I knew I had to get going. My parents would probably be home by now, and we had stuff to discuss.

"Speak to you later?" I nodded "See you tomorrow Sanny. I love you" She said smiling.

"Love you too B" I couldn't help the smiled that pulled up my lips at the admission. After she got out of the car, she looked back through the open door solemnly.

"Good luck S" she said, and then shut the door and pottered up the path to her house.

XIXIX

'Please God, please don't let them be home' I thought as I walked into the house, my palms warm and wet from nerves. I knew it was pointless, I'd seen both their cars in the garage.

"Mum" I called when I'd reached the sitting room, "Dad" I called also. I took a seat in the arm chair and waited for their arrival. It was a good minute, maybe two before they strode into the room. In that time I think I'd sweated enough to fill a pool and my clothes looked like I'd been wearing them in a rainstorm.

"What is it now Santana? What have you done? Have you been fighting at school again? God Santana why have you always got to be in trouble?" My Mother and Father spouted off questions as they walked into the room I was sitting in.

"I haven't done anything, please just sit down. I need to talk to you about something" I figured my best approach wasn't to beat around the bush, but just launch straight into it and see what happens. "Mum, Dad, I need to tell you about something important in my life" I paused, tried to gather together some of the lines of the speech I'd been preparing for the last week in case it got to this point, but in my state the words just didn't appear.

They were looking at me expectantly, I had to continue "I-I, I'm gay." No reaction, did they not hear me?

_1. Shock_

"Mum, Dad, I- I'm gay, I'm in love with a girl, I have been for some time now and we thought it was best that you knew so you would get to experience the best thing in my life too. I'm happy, she makes me so happy and I want you know about that and I want us to be able to talk about it, about something, about anything. Say something, please.."

Why aren't they saying anything. I've said more to them in the last two minutes than I have in weeks, months maybe, and they haven't responded at all.

_2. Denial_

"No, no your not gay" My Father spoke up first. "No, I raised you as a proper Christian girl, you can't be gay" My Mother just said there, shaking her head in disbelief, she hadn't said anything yet.

"Dad I am gay, I'm in love with a girl so I'm gay."

"Why? Why now Santana? High school boys are stupid, once you go to college you'll meet a nice older man who will treat you right-"

"Its not because of the boys dad, I like girls, I love one girl, because that's part of who I am. Its not because I haven't met the right guy yet, its because they haven't been girls" I tried to make him understand.

_3. Guilt_

My Fathers features changed, unreadable in their questioning. I notably gulped as my father continued to think, his brow furrowed and hands clasped around each other.

"What did I do to deserve this Santana? Is it because we aren't around very much? We do what we're doing for you, to make sure you can have the best life we can give you. We've bought you cars and clothes, we've given you a beautiful house, food. What more should we have done?"

"Dad" Still my Mother hadn't said anything, she looked almost numb, sat next to my father looking at her hands. "I don't, I've never, wanted any of that stuff more than I've wanted you to love me, to love me like Brittany's parents lo-"

_4. Expression of feelings_

"Oh, its about that girl isn't it. That stupi-"

"Don't you dare call her that" I stood up, no way was my Father going to say something like that about my girlfriend.

"Its pathetic Santana. Ridiculous. You're not getting enough from us or the boys you flounced around so you have to prey on your only friend who's too stupid to know otherwise."

This was crazy, how could he say that.

"No, thats not true. I love her because she is perfect, if you'd open your eyes you'd realise that.

"Shut up Santana, you be quiet now and go to your room. I'll figure out how to straighten you out"

"Straighten me out, what sort of fuckery is this" I shouted "You can't straighten me out! I'm not diseased, I'm not riddled with something you can just get rid of. This is me dad. Im gay. Be happ-"

The slap silenced me, silenced the conversation, silenced the house. My mother stood and put a hand on my father's arm. I reached up to hold my cheek, but I refused to let the tears fall.

"You see. Father" I said with as much venom in my voice as I could summon "I'm still gay. You can't slap the gay out of me as much as I can slap some love into you."

"I won't have this filth in my house Santana, no child of mine will be gay, I won't see it" My father argued, enraged, my mother's hand still on his arm.

"Smack me again then Dad, see if it will make any difference. It won't, I am gay, and you hitting me isn't going to change a damn thing" I was still holding the tears back, saving face, I didn't want to show my father any weakness.

_5. Personal Decision-Making_

I saw as he raised his hand again_, _I braced myself for the blow what would inevitably land upon my face.

But it didn't come. My Mother had tightened her hold on my Father and restrained the man. He twisted to look at her, disbelieving that she wasn't siding with him. I could the conversation passing in their eyes, the silent conversation I wasn't privy to.

"Fine" My father says, his shoulders squaring "I won't be a part of this abomination, I won't sit here as she throws her life away". I watched as he left the room, left the house, heard the car squeal away.

If I had known that would be the last time I'd ever see my father, I might have tried to stop him.

But I didn't, I stood stock still. I stood, as my Mother sank back into the sofa, before looking up into my eyes. It didn't really look as though she was going to say anything, so I got up and left her sat there, headed for my room, my sanctuary from the maddening family I had. The tears I'd been holding in were tearing at my seems, the feelings i'm having tearing me apart. My father had abandoned me, left when I needed him the most. When I needed his love, his support the most. And my Mother, she played her cards close to her chest, I have no idea what she's thinking. I felt the phone in my pocket vibrate with new message.

**From Britt: I told them San, they don't mind. Come on over whenever you're ready, they want to see you. Love you! Xxxx**

I looked at my phone in my left hand as it buzzed with the new message. It took only a moment for me to look over the letters, blurred though they were. My brain put the letters together to make words, the words to make sentences, causing tears to finally stream down my cheeks. I'd held it in as long as I could, but they rose like a river, flooding my face as gravity pulled them onward the earth.

I cranked my arm back, before unleashing the phone from my hand, against my dark wall. It cracked and shattered on impact as I sank to the floor. I could hear the banging coming from my door, but everything else had shut down. I was numb, cold, unfeeling.

I pulled my loose outerwear further around me, tugged the cardigan closer, as I felt sobs wrack my body. I allowed the tears to come, escape my body where I'd held them prisoner and fall to the floor, staining the otherwise clinically clear carpet.

Eventually silence reigned. The door stopped banging, shaking. My mind went quiet, and I fell asleep.

XIXIX

_6. Acceptance_

Maria had followed Santana up to her room, frustrated at not being able to have her time to speak, and tried to bang on her door so she would be able to be let in. She heard the smashing of the phone against the wall, before all went quite. She tried once more to bang on the door, but to no avail.

She walked back downstairs and lay on the sofa where she's just experienced the last few minutes, where her life had changed.

She sighed to herself.

"My daughter's gay."


End file.
